I was cranky last Thursday. My schedule for the weekend was dicey. There were parts I was looking forward to (the return of my parents) but there were more moments I was dreading. I wasn’t feeling particularly in control of my schedule and that always makes me ‘off.‘ When juggling many balls, it’s important for me that they be uniform and manageable.
I mentioned to Work Josh that I was wearing every positive energy bracelet I had to combat my gloomy mood. He laughed and suggested that I might like the HBO show, “Enlightened.”
Divine intervention.
I’ve watched 8 episodes. I love “Enlightened”! Laura Dern plays this corporate mogul who has a public melt down. She goes to a healing center in Hawaii. She returns to her life enlightened. And that’s the essences of the show, she must learn to live in her life. She comes back with grandiose ideas of changing her ex, her mother, her company, the world. And what she learns repeatedly is she can only change herself.
At one point, she decides to quit her job and work at a homeless shelter. She is passionately committed to the idea until she hears the salary is $26,000. She cries. It’s that type of cluelessness that Dern pulls off as perplexing and endearing. As she tries to fix people or situations, she awakens to her own limitations.
Mike White is the writer, director and a geeky supporting character named Tyler. Diane Ladd is both Dern’s real life and TV mom. Luke Wilson plays her hot, addict ex. The show is wonderfully conceived and brilliantly executed. It never bends to a “Touched by an Angel” moment. The situation doesn’t resolve within the show’s timeframe. Life messes stay messy. Dern’s character grows through coming to terms with the past and moving forward. Every episode has a thought-provoking nugget for me.
I’m intentionally slowing down my schedule in April. I want to live in the moment, the ‘unscheduled’ moment. I’ve already started the process. What I know from my life’s experience is my mind at rest constantly tries to gear back up. Calm isn’t my normal state. Frenzy is more my lifestyle. So, when I give myself the time and space to relax, my mind races to fill the emptiness with self-created drama. I have a friend who calls this practice of mine, ‘conjuring.’ I’m going to work to be okay with the quiet. I’m going to embrace a Serenity April. I’m going to welcome Spring(?) with a gentle soul cleanse. Yeah, yeah, yeah I’m going to eat better, drink less alcohol, exercise more BUT more importantly I’m going to be quiet and listen to my life.