Monday might have been President’s Day nationally but it turned into body awareness day personally.
I started out with a solid training session with Josh. After Friday’s disappointment, my body owed me. And it performed! Push-ups, sit-ups, leg lifts and a variety of other exercises tested me and I met the challenge. Now, that doesn’t mean perfect execution. It means I didn’t back down. I didn’t give up. I only stopped for the occasional nose blow (the cold is on week 3). Josh has recently added into the mix, wall squats. My back is on the wall and I sit in a chair position for a minute. It sounds easy but I promise you my quads were burning. And standing up after the activity requires a hand from my trainer.
At the end of the session, Josh complimented me with, “good work today.” I basked in that. Josh doesn’t throw out compliments haphazardly. It’s not that he isn’t positive because he is! He is my biggest cheerleader especially during a particular hard exercise that I’m struggling to complete. He affirms me to the finishline with plenty of ‘you can do this’ and ‘you got this.’ And sometimes his encouragement is the only thing that gets me to finish. And other times, not even his words can stop me from defeat. Luckily, those occurrences are becoming less and less. I’m winning more than I’m losing.
Later, it was my day off and I decided to treat myself to a foot massage. I had a Groupon! A regular Thai styled foot massage was $68 for an hour. The Groupon was $25 which once I was there seemed to be the regular price. Language was a barrier but the signage indicated $25 or 5 sessions for $100. It’s that age old quandary you get what you pay for. It wasn’t awful. It just wasn’t great! Unlike a lot of Chicagoans, I have had many Thai foot massages *IN* Thailand. I love them. In Chang Mai, I had a guy massage each foot for an hour. It was phenomenal and the action affects the entire body.
Yesterday, the salon’s definition of reflexology was a makeshift full body massage with clothes on. It started with a scalp scratch. I would say rub but it really sounded sandpaper dry and wasn’t a particularly pleasant sensation. (Post massage: my hair was standing-up-frightening.) There was some foot action but not foot reflexology. She didn’t hit pressure points as much as ‘pet’ my foot with ointment. Later, she asked me if she could pull up my sweatshirt to give a better massage. Even though we were in a room with 8 other beds, I said ‘sure.’ I try not to be prudish. And in the most bizarre move, she also unsnapped my bra to massage my upper back. It was weird. The massage wasn’t quite the treat I had envisioned.
My day ended by seeing the show BODY/COURAGE. It’s a one woman show by Danielle Pinnock. She interviewed 400 people about body image. Her play is a compilation of 12 of the interviews. She was amazing and I highly recommend seeing the show. I loved it! Each person’s story was this unique peek at how someone sees herself/himself. No one seemed completely happy with appearance. Even the California beauty pageant contestant disclosed that she played Cruella DeVille in her Disney job. Her employers said she couldn’t play Cinderella because she was ‘villainously tall.’
I saw myself in Pinnock’s storytelling. At 51, I’m proud of how far I’ve come with body image. I no longer hate my body. I don’t allow shame or disgust in myself to keep me from living my life in this moment. I don’t delay having fun waiting to be an imaginary ideal weight. I do it now. Yet, as far as I’ve come, there’s more to go.
Pinnock ends her show with Sia’s “Chandelier” that I continued to hear in my head all day. It’s a powerful song! And though I know it represents destructive behavior, I promise…
I’m gonna swing from the chandelier, from the chandelier.
I’m gonna live like tomorrow doesn’t exist, like it doesn’t exist.