I walked into Wood last night and was immediately enveloped in the cuddly warmth of my favorite restaurant. Everybody knows my name, knows my story, knows my drink. It’s because over the last 2 1/2 years, I’ve worked the brunch shift and the occasional dinner too. They know me. And I love that! After a play, I’ll stop to get the VIP treatment and the gossip. I’m Wood royalty. This is how I imagine being a celebrity feels.
I know I would be a great celebrity because….
*I love VIP service. I want my Abstract wine poured before I have my coat off.
*I could wear sunglasses all the time. I need them for the prescription and my eyes are sensitive to a lot of light.
*I want a mink. Full-length brown mink! I would throw it on over sweats to go meet a friend for coffee.
*I like having a personal trainer. And I wouldn’t mind having Josh on a 24/7 on-call situation. I’d get rid of the FitBit and have him count my steps.
*I do like walking in the room and know people know me. It doesn’t mean I want to talk to all of them but I don’t mind giving a generous Evita wave to the masses.
*I like being fussed over. Not all the time! Oh no, not all the time. But I do love visiting people and they have laid out a hearty feast in celebration of my arrival. Come on!? That’s the best!
*I don’t want to clean up after myself. I’d like a staff for that. I am a minimalist so I don’t enjoy clutter. I wouldn’t mind walking into my home, removing my shoes, walking into another room, and returning to the entry way and the shoes have been magically and quietly whisked away… until I need them again.
*I don’t like buying toilet paper. I’m a 20-squares-away-from-disaster gal. I never put it on my shopping list because it’s not pleasant to think about so I often end up in crisis mode.
*I like to fly… planes or helicopters…even in coach. First class?? I’d be delightful!
*For the most part, I trust my family and friends to not sell my embarrassing moments to PEOPLE magazine for cash. Sure, there are a few rogues but they don’t have that much dirt on me.
*I like to dress in an eclectic and unusual style which could start fashion trends.
*I would love to do unexpected things like leave a $1000 tip or buy everyone’s groceries at a store or launch a catchphrase like ‘if you ain’t kind, you ain’t fine.‘ Okay, it needs work but still.
*I have a core of people that would help me stay balanced. They wouldn’t let my head get inflated. That wasn’t always true! I now have people in my life -I trust- that would keep me grounded with subtle comments and direct attacks on my character.
Oh, I’m at the perfect point in my life to become a celebrity! I’m ready…