It’s Friday the 13th! I’m not really a superstitious gal but I did wake up in a gloomy funk. And I like the idea of a mystical reason rather than the reality of my life.
This week has been hard. I’ve been in week 2 of the never-ending cold. I don’t feel super horrific – thankfully- but I’ve gone through four boxes of tissues and two bags of cough drops. Not only is my nose all flakey, my upper lip is very tender. I know this because in my grooming practice of mustache removing, I made my lip bleed. It hurt…bad! And worse than a bleeding lip has been my sleeping irregularity.
I have this quirky habit of waking up and counting my hours of sleep. I wake up, look at the time and calculate my hours. I love me a good 8 hours! I naturally wake up 5:30/6 a.m. so eight doesn’t come often but when it does, ooh-la-la! My norm is 6-7 hours. I can make 5 hours work too with the benefit of a third cup of coffee. Earlier this week, I was getting 2-4 hours for about three nights.
This week at work has been grueling. On top of all the typical day-to-day hoopla, I’ve had three Federal reports to complete, two performance reviews and our website overhaul. And last night, I had a three hour meeting. The last 45 minutes were a heavy-charged critique of an event I lead. Now, I love to be busy! I enjoy being challenged! I embrace changing things up! BUT the combination of sleep deprivation and heavy workload made the criticism sound a lot like, ‘you suck at your job!’
The looming thought followed me into bed. So, when I woke up 6 hours later, I felt tired and defeated. Not quite the right mindset for personal training. And my session with Josh went bad. I kept stopping in the middle of each set of each exercise. I couldn’t get my rhythm. I didn’t have the strength. And I just completely gave up on a plank. I usually get such a rush from working out. I believe in the endorphin high. I wanted to be high. I was low! I told Josh I should have canceled because now I was even more disappointed with myself.
Josh responded with another one of his fitticisms: “It would have been far more disappointing to have done nothing at all.”
Even his sage point couldn’t get me unstuck. I was mired in the muck.
I said a little prayer of thanksgiving that my true nature is upbeat. I know many people battle melancholy on a regular basis. I know I’m blessed. And I also knew this overwhelming feeling would pass. I would return to my normal.
On the way to work, I found a surprise $20 tucked in my phone. I thought I had lost it. The notion that I haven’t ‘lost it’ became a platform to build a better day on. The heaviness is gradually lifting and my day continues to get better. After a good night sleep, I should wake up normal.