I’ve been struggling with humility.
No, it’s not because I’m an extraordinary human being. It’s more because I’m flawed. And the recurring reminders of my inadequacies keep the concept of humility rattling around in my head.
I’m naturally a confident person to the point of grandiosity. I’ve been that way since birth. My instinct is to approach anything with a ‘can do‘ spirit. I can play the clarinet. I can glaze windows. I can write a screenplay. I can knit a sweater. These are examples of activities that I’ve tackled throughout my life with varying degrees of failure. Why didn’t I succeed? Lack of patience! Sure, there’s that. But I think the bigger culprit is I wasn’t willing to work hard for perfection. I was only willing to work hard for completion. I didn’t ask for help. I didn’t practice to get better. I wasn’t open to criticism. I wasn’t willing to change my approach for different results.
Over the last couple years, I’ve had some shifts in my professional life. I’ve always prided myself in being good at my job. I have a strong work ethic. And I believe in the importance of the work I do. I’ve worked hard for over a decade to help keep America’s runaway, homeless and at-risk youth safe and off the streets. And I feel good about my role in that! It’s the other mish-mash that comes along with my job that I’ve become steadily aware that I’m inadequate at. And so after ten years in my position, I’m challenged to reassess my approach for different results. I have to adjust.
Yesterday, I was working out with Josh. It was a hard training session that ended with three planks. I struggled to get the first one at 60 seconds. The second one came in at 43 seconds. And the third was a measly 30 seconds. I felt miserable during the feats and all day! I had already conquered doing 3 one minute planks. Why had I failed to do it again?
Josh told me a few months back there is no ‘conquering.‘ I remember I was struggling to do leg lifts at the time. And I voiced my surprise because I thought I had already ‘conquered‘ leg lifts.
He’s right! There is no point in life that I can say it’s conquered. Nothing stays done. Life is much more dynamic than that. Well, maybe on my deathbed, I can remember to say I conquered my life. But until then, I need to work hard for perfection and completion. I need to ask for help. I need to practice to get better. I need to be open to criticism. I need to change my approach for different results. I have to adjust.
I love having a personal trainer that has the spirit of an ancient philosopher. Here’s the text Josh sent me yesterday in response to my post-session depression.
“Progress does not happen in a straight line. Failure is good. It means we have room for improvement.” -JJV
Physical exercise is the physical symbolism of humility for me. I’m working to strengthen my body. It’s not easy. It hurts. Still, I need to stay engaged to get stronger. And I will fail more times than I succeed. Humility continues to help me live my life fully realized.