I recently had coffee with someone I’ve known for a decade but someone I don’t really know. We had a wonderful chit-chat about his life and his writings. I talked a little about myself but my primary reason for the appointment was to learn about him. I constantly thought of things I could inject into the dialogue that were *me* focused. I squashed them. I concentrated on active listening. At the end of our tryst, he said he never realized how ‘warm and sincere’ I was.
Although ‘warm and sincere’ aren’t necessarily the first words that come to mind to describe me, the perception seemed harsh. Dammit, I’m warm and sincere!
Could he only see it when I stopped talking about myself? Is my warmth hidden under -11 temps? Is my sincerity overwhelmed by my cynicism? The biggest surprise at age 50 is continuing to learn ‘who I am?‘ By listening to other people’s perceptions of me, I’m learning to adjust myself to better express my true intent.
When I was a teen, this would have been considered peer pressure. It’s not at this age. At the half century mark, I know who I am. When I honestly look into the mirror someone else is holding up, I see the veiled preoccupation or the hardened mask. If I want to be perceived differently, I need to be different. It’s my choice.
It’s kind of like taking these Buzzfeed or Zimbio destiny quizzes on Facebook. They are a huge waste of time but funny. They remind me if I want different outcomes, I need to be open to changing my answers to the questions.
What decade do I belong in? 1970s
What city should I live in? Barcelona
What princess would I be? Princess Leia
What fictional city would I live in? City in the Clouds
What food matches your personality? Sushi
What “Hunger Game” character would I be? Peeta
What “Star Wars” character would I be? Luke Skywalker
What “Downton Abbey” character would I be? Thomas
What “Hogwart House” do you belong in? Slytherin
What “Harry Potter” character would I be? Luna
“What “Games of Throne” character would I be? Ygritte